It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
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I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That accounts for only three of the penises
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UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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