I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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