So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
