Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
