U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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