Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
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She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
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Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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