If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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