Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
