Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
