You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
