Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
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I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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