nut hugger
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
