is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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