chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
These tits shall not be calmed
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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