You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize