The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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