I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?