YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...