Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
