I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
