He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
