Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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