honey bunches of taint.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
