My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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