Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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