Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
