Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
