I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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