the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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