It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
