he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
