oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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