Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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