So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
