The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
