he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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