I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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