Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
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If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.