hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
