So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
