Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just threw up on my dentist
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
