When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
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can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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