96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
