Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
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She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
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A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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