Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I have tasted many bathrooms
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
