im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My Sexting was not on an AP level
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
