Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
