your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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