Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
