Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
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