He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
