we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
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He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dick very happy bro
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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