just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
