So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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