Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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