My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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