I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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