i jhust puked up my retainher.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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