Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
