your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
In America we eat man semen.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
