So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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